How to Tame the Tongue

My hands trembled as I slammed down the lid of my laptop so hard, I’m surprised it didn’t break. I stormed out of the office after my angry retort in response to yet another snide remark from my coworker. My stomach clenched with anger.

Bitter thoughts swirled in my head. Why does she hate me so much? I moved to a new city and turned my entire life upside down for this job. And now, I probably lost it because of my temper tantrum. I justified my harsh words. Why not? She antagonized me and did everything she could to discredit me.

God taught me a lot during this challenging season of my life, especially the four T’s—tame the tongue, resist temptation, turn from sin, and be transformed.

Tame the tongue

We cannot take back our spiteful words. I had no excuse for reacting in anger to my coworker’s words.

The Bible is very clear about this, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19 ESV).

However, James also writes, “but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison” (James 3:8 ESV).

What shall we do if we cannot control our own tongue through willpower? We must first submit to God and depend on the power of the Holy Spirit to gain control over our tongues. Then we refrain from angry words, gossip, lying and any inappropriate language not honoring God.

Resist Temptation

Satan is slippery. He prowls around on the hunt for us in our unguarded moments. (1 Peter 5:8) Meanwhile, God shows you a way out when you are tempted (1 Corinthians 10:13).

Unfortunately, I did not take the escape route God provided. I could have prayed for guidance, counted to ten before opening my mouth, taken three deep breaths, or left the room to cool off. Instead, I yearned to feel better by making her suffer and craved revenge for the pain she caused me. I gave in to temptation and blurted out exactly what I thought of her. 

The way to tame the tongue is to trust Him to provide a way to resist the temptation to retaliate. And do it.

Turn from sin

Admit mistakes and learn from them. Repent, which means turning away from evil and turning back to God (Acts 3:19-20).

Next, confess our wrongdoing and make it right. Apologize. The Bible says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9 NIV).

Be Transformed

God uses our mistakes to make us better, not bitter. God is faithful. He forgives us and uses suffering in our lives to help us grow to be more like Jesus. Sometimes we have to go through pain before we can experience the fulfillment of God’s promises.

As Lysa TerKeurst states in her book, It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way, “God will use suffering to shape us, mold us, and make us even better prepared for our purpose. When we are afflicted, we are being made more effective!” [1]

Conclusion

Thanks to the Lord’s mercy and protection, I did not lose my job after my uncontrolled outburst that day. (My coworker and I negotiated an uneasy truce for a few months until she quit and returned to her old job.)

I know how difficult it is to keep quiet and not strike back when certain people provoke us. When we face arguments, conflicts, dissensions, and discord, we should remember the four T’s—tame the tongue, resist temptation, turn from sin and be transformed.

Reference

[1] TerKeurst, Lysa. It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered. Nelson Books, an Imprint of Thomas Nelson, 2018.